More of my Sordid Past

I used to work in a card room. Card rooms are chock full of colorful characters, but most of the stories are so strange that most people question their veracity as truth is truly stranger than fiction.

I had a boss named Jack. Jack was a short man, and as many short men will, he developed a very tall character to balance out his lack of stature.

Jack was full of colorful sayings. I will add more as I remember them, but here are a couple:

That woman looks like she was hit with an ugly stick, or maybe the whole damned tree.

That woman looks like she fell out of the ugly try and hit every branch on the way down.

I wish you had a million dollars and I had a nickel and we were on a slow boat to China, 'cause you money would be mine before we were halfway there.

I got more money than God. I know this is true, because the priests went and spent all his.

I learned a lot of valuable lessons in that cardroom:

1. If you are sitting at a card table and don't see a fish (sucker) get up, 'cause you're the fish.

2. When a fight breaks out, cover your chips. Fights have a way of costing you money.

3. People always remember their loans but never their debts.

4. The guy who buys the most chips usually leaves with the most.

5. The only sure winner is the house.

6. Gamblers are the most superstitious critters on earth.

7. The appearance of stupidity keeps you out of far more trouble than the appearance of savvy.

8. Never piss of the dealer because far too many of them know how to cheat.